Being Positive: How to Find Meaning, Hope, and Strength in Difficult Times, Positive Thinking
“Happiness is not out there for us to find. The reason that it’s not out there is that it’s inside us.” Sonja Lyubomirsky
Recently I was sitting patiently in a hospital waiting room when an elderly man with gray hair flowing past his ears, happily walked by. I looked at his blissful face then noticed his blue baseball cap with large white letters declaring: Pearly Gates “Pearly gates” is a traditional Christian expression referring to the entrance to Heaven. White is a symbolic color derived from a pearl. The metaphorical meaning at the pearly gates often means the moment when a person stands before God after death and is confronted with questions about their life, faith, character, or deeds. I smiled thinking he is about to receive a diagnostic result on his health condition, and he was smiling and appearing positive. I sat there rather grumpy and negative. What did he know? Did he have a premonition of what was about to unfold? Was he ready to accept the symbolic symbol on his cap that he was nearing the gates of Heaven and the passage from earthly life into eternal life?
I pondered my life and started an inventory of my existence and envisioning an image of Saint Peter standing at the pearly gates with a score card of my life deeds. It was judgment time. Will I receive forgiveness or redemption? What’s the verdict? The meaning of life was about to unfold its karmic disposition. Then I recalled psychiatrist Viktor Frankl, a holocaust survivor from the World War II concentration camps. I read his book “Man’s Search for Meaning” stating being positive was different from thinking positive. He believed that human beings could maintain hope and meaning when circumstances are painful or beyond their control.
I was waiting for my diagnostic outcome. Breathing heavy battling my thoughts, palms getting clammy then I had to get tough with myself. “Ok tough guy. Positive thinking doesn’t mean being cheerful all the time. Being nervous, sad, frustrated, and disappointed are normal parts of being human.” So, I tightened my Big-Boy pants pulled my shoulders back and said to myself, “I can’t control all circumstances, but I can choose how I respond.” Then I heard my Drill Instructor voice kick in: “Now change your attitude!”
As an undergraduate, briefly, at California Western University in San Diego, I was fortunate to have met and attended lectures by Viktor Frankl and Carl Rogers. I actually shook hands with Carl Rogers. But it was with Dr. Frankl, who hit my clinical nerve. He didn’t smile. He was quiet. Short answers. Really had to pay attention. He truly suffered during World War II. His lessons were deep. For Frankl: find meaning rather than chase happiness. Happiness is often a by-product of living meaningfully. The important question is not “How can I feel good?” but “What does life ask of me now? ” Hope can survive suffering. Frankl did not romanticize suffering. Rather, he believed that unavoidable suffering can sometimes be given meaning through the way a person confronts it. Look beyond yourself. Meaning can be found through loving another person, doing meaningful work, creating something, or contributing to the world. The future matters Frankl emphasized, having something to live for—a responsibility, person, purpose, or unfinished task that gives tomorrow significance. Instead of asking only what we expect from life, Frankl encouraged asking what life expects from us. Reminds me of President John F. Kennedy’s inaugural speech on January 20, 1961:“Ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country.”
The President’s appeal was for public service, civic responsibility and individual contributions to the nation. That captures Frankl’s version of positivity. It is not optimism that denies suffering; it is hope combined with responsibility and meaning. Between what happens to us and how we respond, there is a space in which we have freedom. Frankl did not teach people to pretend that life is always good. He taught that even when life becomes painful, a person can still search for meaning, choose a response, and discover a reason to continue living.
In the ups and downs in life, a positive person does not ignore problems. Instead, try’s to face them without allowing them to define our entire view of life. When something goes wrong, don’t just ask, “Why is this happening to me?” Also ask, “What can I learn from this?” The second question opens a door. It shifts our attention from helplessness toward possibility. Life is always teaching us something. It’s like little blips of light along the path of life but are we sensitive enough to pay attention to the “guiding” lights.
Being positive begins with the way we speak to ourselves. Our inner dialogue can either strengthen us or slowly wear us down. Telling ourselves, “I can take this one step at a time,” is very different from saying, “I will never get through this.” Positive thinking does not guarantee success, but it can give us the courage to keep trying. As Dr. Wayne W. Dyer states: “With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.”
“Start listening to the way you talk to yourself. These interactions will tell you how well you know yourself, how much you respect yourself, and what boundaries you are lacking.”
– Sara Kuburic
About the Author:
Hilary Valdez is a freelancer living in Tokyo, Japan. He is an experienced Mental Health professional and Resiliency Trainer. Valdez is a former Marine and has worked with the military most of his career and most recently worked at Camp Zama as a Master Resiliency Trainer. Valdez now has a private practice and publishes books on social and psychological issues. His books are available on Amazon and for Kindle. Learn more about Valdez and contact him at his website or email (InstantInsights@hotmail.com). Follow his YouTube channel Hilary’s Quick Talk for more insights.
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