Handle with Care: Building Healthy Relationships
- Hilary Valdez
- 3 days ago
- 4 min read
Are you still with your high school sweetheart? Do more people dislike you than like you? How many times have you been married? Do you have a trail of broken hearts? Do your kids stay in touch with you?
When you mail a package at the post office and it contains something valuable, you put a red sticker on it that says “handle with care.” Like a package with a valuable item, family, love relationships, children, and friends also need to be handled with care.
Relationships require patience, understanding, communication, and, above all, care. Married or single, Hearts is a tough game to play. You have to be careful with what comes out of your mouth. When you open your mouth, your mind is on parade and reacting emotionally can lead to out-of-control self-expression. People fall in love, fall out of love, marry, separate, and begin new relationships, but children often experience the consequences of those decisions without having chosen them. Children are always watching and the depth of their hurt is not immediately apparent.
How do you handle disagreements. Disagreements happen. Anger, insults, threats, manipulation, and prolonged hostility can slowly damage a relationship. And anger is a dangerous place to stay. So, learning to disagree without destroying one another goes a long way. Seems like we are always negotiating with our partner for one thing or another: Chinese or Indian for dinner? Steak or chicken? The important point is to listen, compromise, apologize when necessary and understand that being right is sometimes less important when compromise is easier and less painful.
Arguing in front of children is bad juju. Go sit in the car or drive around and cuss and fuss. But when children are present, adults have an additional responsibility to be good role models. Being a parent is tough; it requires sacrifice. Some folks don’t learn this until after the divorce. As you know, children watch how mommy and daddy communicate and treat one another. They learn about love partly by observing the relationships in their homes. If they repeatedly witness hostility, disrespect, violence, or emotional instability, they may begin to believe that such behavior is a normal part of love. They normalize that behavior and assume this is how it’s supposed to be. But when children see adults communicate respectfully, resolve disagreements, and show affection and consideration, they learn that love can be both strong and safe. Respecting the child’s feelings creates the foundation for a healthy child.
Love is one of the most powerful forces in human life but love alone does not guarantee a healthy relationship. And as we know, good sex will take a bad relationship a long way. Sigmund Freud’s pleasure principle only goes so far. Then reality/cognitive therapy sinks in. A healthy relationship becomes even more important when children are involved. Love is not only for the adults involved, but also for the children who depend on them.
One of the most important rules for parents is never to make children the battlefield of an adult relationship. Children should not be used as messengers, spies, judges or weapons during disagreements. A parent should not ask a child to choose sides or speak negatively about the other parent in front of them. Even when adults are deeply hurt by one another, children need permission to love both parents without feeling guilty. A healthy family does not have to be perfect. What makes a relationship strong is the willingness to repair what has been damaged, communicate honestly, forgive when forgiveness is appropriate, and protect the emotional well-being of children. Kids are precious and impressionable.
When angry, we say things out of spite, and those poison arrows pierce the heart, are hurtful. The words of hate stay deep in our memory bank. Watch your mouth. Also, adults need to recognize that children have memories. Words spoken in anger can remain with them for years. A parent may forget an argument that occurred during a difficult evening, but a child may remember every detail. This is why emotional responsibility matters. Pause before speaking, walk away from an argument, take a shower, cool off, and return to the conversation when emotions have settled.
Ultimately, handle with care is more than a warning written on a fragile package. It’s a philosophy for relationships. Hearts are fragile. Children’s sense of security is fragile. Trust, once damaged, can be difficult to rebuild. Love requires more than passion; it requires responsibility. Love should never be treated carelessly. When children are involved, every adult decision carries an additional responsibility. We should love our partners with honesty, treat one another with dignity, and protect our children from conflicts that belong to adults. I saw a message on a T-shirt the other day: love deeply, communicate honestly, handle every heart with care.
About the Author:
Hilary Valdez is a freelancer living in Tokyo, Japan. He is an experienced Mental Health professional and Resiliency Trainer. Valdez is a former Marine and has worked with the military most of his career and most recently worked at Camp Zama as a Master Resiliency Trainer. Valdez now has a private practice and publishes books on social and psychological issues. His books are available on Amazon and for Kindle. Learn more about Valdez and contact him at his website or email (InstantInsights@hotmail.com). Follow his YouTube channel Hilary’s Quick Talk for more insights.
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