The True Meaning of Fatherhood: How to Become a Better Father in Today's World
- Hilary Valdez
- Jul 1
- 3 min read
I came from an era where men didn’t express emotions. My father, born in 1913, never said I love you or hugged me. But I knew he loved me. When my son was born, I wanted to break the cycle of “silence” and teach my son to find the balance between self-expression and individualism. I had to uproot my own antiquated male stereotypical thinking and plant new ideas; more expressive, compassionate, and loving.
Our grandfathers and great grandfathers were crusty hard-nosed survivors from World War I, the Depression, World War II, and Korean War. Each generation of men passed down the same hard nosed social behaviors. Men don’t cry, be strong, don’t show weakness, don’t hug or touch other men, the antiquated list goes on.
As the old 1960s saying goes: “Be Here, Be Now.” Now, men have reached a milestone in raising a family. A new social history is being established. A new generation has risen. Each new father carries the torch of responsible fatherhood. I know from experience that caring for your children gives life a renewed sense of direction and meaning. Fatherhood is one of life’s most intense journeys: it offers new chances for growth, meaning, and connection, for the children, and for the fathers.
Raising children teaches patience, humility, sacrifice, and compassion. I trust all fathers to be compassionate leaders of your families; play fair, nobody hurt. Throughout the challenges of life, you will be tested to the limits of your humanity, tolerance, and patience. How you display your thoughts and actions will affect your children’s lives forever. Every day you are imprinting the code of life into their brain. In turn, your child teaches you about joy and seeing the world with fresh eyes.
As you guide your children into maturity and successful adulthood, do so with a long-term vision of them surviving in a competitive and fragile world of humanity and science. At the same time, children often teach fathers about wonder, joy, forgiveness, and seeing the world with fresh eyes. Fatherhood is the privilege of helping your children grow into the people they are meant to become, and at the same time, while you develop in the process
ach father has to emerge into a new self: upgrade his perspective on life. He has to expand his vision of himself and relinquish self-serving activities and comforts and re-invest resources into that tiny human.
Fatherhood is not about perfection. Every father makes mistakes. What matters most is the willingness to be present, to learn, and to continue loving and supporting your children through the changing seasons of their life.
Life goes by quickly. Savor the moments. You don’t have to sail the seven seas or scale the tallest peaks. You’re not competing with anyone; you’re just competing with yourself to be the best father and husband you can be. Every day you are challenged to squeeze out love and emotional support through affection, encouragement, and presence. You are the father and you create and provide a sense of security and belonging for your family.
And thank you to the wives for bringing out the best in your man. The mission is tough, but clear cut. Walk straight “Fear-ward.”
About the Author:
Hilary Valdez is a freelancer living in Tokyo, Japan. He is an experienced Mental Health professional and Resiliency Trainer. Valdez is a former Marine and has worked with the military most of his career and most recently worked at Camp Zama as a Master Resiliency Trainer. Valdez now has a private practice and publishes books on social and psychological issues. His books are available on Amazon and for Kindle. Learn more about Valdez and contact him at his website or email (InstantInsights@hotmail.com). Follow his YouTube channel Hilary’s Quick Talk for more insights.
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