The Human Spirit at the Crossroads of Loss and New Life
- Hilary Valdez
- 4 hours ago
- 3 min read
The jungle drums say we all have an emotional life. Smoke signals from the mountain top say every moment in a person’s life has a feeling, a rhythm, a flow, or a tone. Emotions may have been the first language which we communicated with ourselves and others. At any age courage is needed to maneuver the challenges from infancy to adulthood. Managing yourself in the world is a lifelong practice. Seasons of life change: retirement, health concerns, family transitions, social isolation, or a loss of job, the nervous system often feels the strain before the mind can name it. The human spirit is shaped at the intersection of pain and joy.
Recently, I experienced two extreme opposite emotions. The death of a family member and a week later the birth of a granddaughter. Pain and joy do not exist in isolation; each gives the other depth and meaning. The simultaneous death and birth awakened in me a deeper question about meaning, identity, and worth. The death humbled myself and my wife, removing illusions, and reminding us of our shared vulnerability. Life is short, took on a new meaning. Yet the joy of a fragile baby gave us joy, lifting us, renewing our strength and reassuring us that life is still worth living. The paradox of conflicting emotions between pain and joy was confusing and emotionally difficult.
In quiet moments, I focused on what I was feeling. I asked myself how can I live within these two opposing circumstances and assist my spouse with her grief? I realized that my awareness is my life and a source of my survival. A lack of awareness is a limit that could mean my end. Increasing self-awareness takes time. I was stuck in an ongoing tension between sorrow and delight. In between these feelings I was becoming more fully human, and more deeply alive … painfully, however.
Growth often happens quietly, beneath the surface, long before meaning becomes visible. I was in an emotional cul-de-sac. This difficulty awakened deeper questions within myself about the meaning of life, my identity and worth as a human being. I needed courage in this moment to deal with the anxiety that arises over difficult life circumstances. In my moments of confusion, I asked myself: “What is wise here?” This thinking helped me step back when silence was the healthier response.
From birth to adulthood, I have passed through seasons of transition becoming a new me, more than once. Joy, sorrow, achievement, gain, loss, self-confidence, uncertainty about the future, and self-doubt all take their turns tap dancing on my psyche. Experiencing death and life disruption expanded my inner awareness and helped clarify my values and my own way forward, thus shedding my image armor for a new persona of identity. But not in a major way, but a shift non-the-less.
I was lucky, I have a trusted support group, aka The Wisdom Circle, that provided emotional safety, quiet support sans inquisitiveness and warm camaraderie. Traumatic events often awaken deeper questions about meaning, identity and worth. The Wisdom Circle embraced a mature human spirit that did not demand constant happiness, nor did it surrender to despair. The Circle is about coping with life difficulties and less about fixing everything at once. The strength of the Circle is learning how to stand steady while life shifts beneath your feet. Connection is a fundamental human need: We are formed as much by loss as by achievement.
Life is about motion; we can’t avoid discomfort. I decided to surrender to the painful moments rather than struggle against it. That helped when I looked at the photos of a beautiful six-pound baby granddaughter swaddled in warm blankets. I sighed, realizing that the flow of life is always carrying us, shaping us and teaching us how to be fully human. When we learn to participate in the flow, we discover resilience and develop inner strength. As the hippies said in the 60s: “Just go with the flow.”
About the Author:
Hilary Valdez is a freelancer living in Tokyo, Japan. He is an experienced Mental Health professional and Resiliency Trainer. Valdez is a former Marine and has worked with the military most of his career and most recently worked at Camp Zama as a Master Resiliency Trainer. Valdez now has a private practice and publishes books on social and psychological issues. His books are available on Amazon and for Kindle. Learn more about Valdez and contact him at his website or email (InstantInsights@hotmail.com). Follow his YouTube channel Hilary’s Quick Talk for more insights.
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